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Role Reversal
Holidays are favorite gathering times for families, but sometimes the transition from celebrations at grandma and grandpa’s house to celebrations hosted by grown children or grandchildren can be difficult. What are some keys for successful holiday hosting when the roles have been reversed?
It all starts with planning. A little forethought can help eliminate much of the concern that sometimes accompanies hosting family over the holidays.
If a loved elder is coming from an assisted living or long-term care facility, contact the social worker or nurse at the facility to make sure you have a clear understanding of the elder’s needs.
- What types of foods, if any, should they avoid?
- What medications do they usually take and when? Do they need reminders?
- Are there any special health precautions of which you need to be aware?
- What limits do they have on physical activity? Can they handle steps safely? Do they need to use a cane or walker?
- Can the elder still drive safely-and independently-to the host’s home or do you need to provide transportation?
What happens when the elders arrive at your home? Sometimes going from a quiet environment to a household filled with little children, teens, young and older adults can be a difficult adjustment. Just the difference in noise level-even when people are happy and having a wonderful time-can be stressful. Allowing the elders to ‘escape’ to a quiet bedroom for an afternoon rest or earlier bedtime can sometimes provide just the respite they need to keep up the holiday pace.
Although tradition would insist that everyone stay at the host’s home, the wise reality may be to encourage renting nearby hotel rooms. In one family, the retired husband loves to be up and about around 5:30 a.m. and enjoys discovering new coffee shops. His wife prefers a more leisurely start, sleeping in until at least 9 a.m., then starting her day. Of course, the husband nods off over the evening news, while the wife is in high gear until at least midnight. By tucking this couple into a nearby hotel, their divergent schedules won’t create a hosting nightmare, while ensuring quality time when everyone is awake. (One bonus-many hotels offer great deals over the slower holiday times. Ask for senior rates, holiday or “grandparent specials.”)
What about traveling to the celebration? Airlines are often the first choice for long distances, and are willing to accommodate the older traveler. Some tips for that holiday event:
- Work with a travel agent to find the most direct routes.
- If the elder has a flexible schedule, try to travel on days that are less busy, when service staff is not so rushed.
- Encourage taking snack foods along, since delays can happen. Some medications need to be taken with food, so being prepared can prevent distress.
- If you have family that can travel with the elder, make the journey part of the holiday celebration. Encourage them to tell stories of times and people in the past-you might hear something that will encourage you!
Above all, enjoy the time with the elders. Determine that you’ll take the time to enjoy this celebration, enjoy the time with the elders and celebrate the role they have in your family.
Ready? ….to granddaughter’s house we go!
